The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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