ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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