Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
