would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
