Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
