so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
