Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dick very happy bro
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
