we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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