we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still dying that you shit outside
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
