OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
