if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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