Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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