Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
