Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
