Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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