Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
