oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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