It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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