just tell him i said nine months
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize