she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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