I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
