plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
