imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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