At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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