Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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