Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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