Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize