sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
