I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
