with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
