I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
