It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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