she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
