ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
