Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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