There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A bitchslap is in order.
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