just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so let's talk penis.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
