Sponge bath it is.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
