you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
