hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize