she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
