he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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