I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
