I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
