I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
