He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
