These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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