You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
