Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
