I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
