I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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