WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
