I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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