it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
