I am full of burrito and curiosity
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
