so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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