i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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