Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
