dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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