I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize