the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
