I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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