so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
