i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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