I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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